‘Running on empty’ – these words have been echoing in my mind for longer than I care to remember. At least a couple of years now I had been feeling like my life is a car that is barely moving ahead, because the fuel tank is always close to empty! ‘Running on empty’ is how I could describe almost all areas of my life at one stage: no time for my loved ones; no money to keep even the basic needs covered; no regular income and when it comes, it disappears simply too fast; you may live from paycheck to paycheck and have the same feeling!
Running on empty means you have an increasing mountain of debt that seems impossible to overcome; you’re so tired that you’re getting up in the mornings feeling as if you should go right back to bed, because all your energy is depleted. And then the house: everything seeming to break down, just when you’ve fixed it! And the family: just when you thought things were humming along nicely, another personal drama strikes and you don’t have the time or the energy to deal with it! And your health is just not what it should be: you seem to catch every virus that makes its rounds in your neighbourhood and are challenged with an endless stream of minor infections that just serve to irritate you and keep you in the doldrums. All in all, yes, you’re simply running on empty.
Is this really what life is meant to be about? Dragging your feet through the mud of everyday existence?
Surely, after having lived for thousands of years, humankind must have ‘seen the light’ and found some knowledge and tools to ‘tune up’ our bodies and enlighten our minds?
Well, here’s the good news: never before in the life of humankind has there been so much knowledge and such incredible technology to help us lead the best lives we can ever imagine!
This is not a science fiction story: all this knowledge and all this technology is available now, and at a minimal cost too. In fact, as the Internet and other technology evolves, it will become possible for every human on earth to have access to this knowledge and to this technology.
So why are so many of us women waiting for better days, when in fact, we already have everything we need to create our own lives as ‘Rose Queens’, as a ‘Reine de la Rose’?
I am one of the privileged women, who has ‘had it all’ at some point in her life. I had the privilege of University education. I had the privilege of travelling, living and working overseas in very interesting countries. I have a wonderful man in my life, someone I think is a ‘dream husband’. Over the years I’ve had the opportunity to meet and work with some of the top leaders in our country, right up to the President’s Office. I have an ‘extended family’ of children and youth that form part of my life. I’ve always managed to find work or create own businesses that have been both creatively and financially fulfilling.
The only thing I’ve never had is true ‘control’ of my life: my time, my energy, my emotions and my money – all of these things always seemed to be directed by external factors. Clients that demanded immediate attention, regardless of what I was doing. Employees and clients that sapped my energy, because of either them not meeting my expectations or me not meeting theirs. Associates that really put me in the doldrums because of the fact that we had no shared vision or values. And bookkeepers and accountants who never really had my financial interest at heart, making neglectful errors that have cost me literally thousands of dollars in taxes and fines.
So, despite the fact that on the surface I’ve been living an exceptional life, my health started suffering because I was constantly running on empty!
Then, during the past year, I felt as if this ‘house of cards’ was coming down. I had to deal with an incredible amount of stress, related to a difficult working relationship, which had been a huge disappointment. Just when that was starting to become resolved, I lost my only consulting client overnight. This eventually led to me having to lay-off my whole team of employees. On top of it, the financial impact of this situation caused me to have to run into terrible debt.
I must confess that it took me a couple of months to get my head around this situation, especially because I was just constantly forced back into bed with flu and fever. But this, really, was also my ‘saving grace’: I’ve always had my best ideas in a horizontal position, half-awake, half-asleep…
My husband, Nico, was quite amazing during his time. We both were affected financially through this whole situation, but instead of pressurizing me to go out and look for new consulting contracts, he took charge of the ‘little things’ like the household and practically spoiled me back to health, bringing endless cups of South Africa’s national drink – Rooibos Tea. While he was also shocked by the sudden disastrous state of our affairs, he simply expressed his continuing faith in my ability to eventually ‘get it all together’again.
I didn’t know yet what exactly to do, but I did know that I was NOT going to try and rebuild the life I had, because it was that life that had brought me to this unhappy state. The words that were guiding me in this is the saying I’d read somewhere of some wise person who said: “The definition of insanity is continuing with the same behaviour and expecting different results!”
Initially, my mind was only able to think about what I didn't want:
- I didn’t want to take on a new consulting client, because then again I would lose complete control over my time and have to be at their beck and call 24/7. This was quite a big decision, since strategic consulting is what has brought in the ‘big bucks’ for me during the past 10 years!
- While I love working from home, I didn’t want a business again where I had to supervise and manage a team of employees. I had even employed family members in order to try to ensure a common vision and values, but because I was always pulled in three directions – my business, my consulting work and the charity I assist – I didn’t have enough time to truly mentor and guide them. As a result, my business started turning into more of a ‘family’ get-to-gether over long smoke and tea-breaks. Enough of that too!
- One of the things that had really caused much of my stress was the fact that I was constantly moving between my business office in the city and the rural non-profit organization that my husband and I were trying to help transform. While the driving and having two homes was still OK, the biggest problem was that inevitably we would leave some critical document or file or other piece of work at the ‘other’ place, which we then desperately needed when we were in the first one! This resulted in so much frustration and wasted energy and time, that I simply had to find another way of doing business.
- And finally, the most pressing issue was both my personal and business financial matters, which I had left in the hands of others and were clearly in a terrible mess. As a businesswoman I had to accept the fact that no-one can look after my own money better than I! Instead of taking time in the past to really get a handle on my money matters, I had paid expensive training courses to get family members trained up to handle my bookkeeping, after the elderly lady that I had employed for years had made a critical mistake in tax calculation that cost me thousands of dollars. I had also contracted a professional financial services and auditing firm to work through all the past accounts and review the tax matters, and to guide my own in-house bookkeepers. But every time they got stuck on issues that only I could resolve; questions that only I could answer. But because I was so busy running to earn money and attending to the needs of my clients and the non-profit organization, I didn’t take the time to focus on the most important part of any business: my money. I’d made all the archetypal mistakes in financial management and I could write a book just about that. The end of the story is that, despite the fact that I had been generating an income of literally millions of dollars over the past decade, I had nothing to show for it, except some property. And even that still has a mortgage.
The irony of the matter is that during the past two years I had been doing what I love most: training young, unemployed youth how to ‘master’ their lives. And as I was lying between the sheets, so to speak ‘in hiding’ of the harsh reality out there, the words I had been teaching them were echoing in my mind. Master your Personal Life. Master your Business Life. Master your Community Life. Master your Global Life. Most of the principles that I had been teaching them, I did apply in my own life. Or at least, I had applied successfully during the past. But I realized that there were a few crucial gaps. Still, it was very clear to me that the key to my ‘renewal’ was lying in exactly what I had been teaching these young people.
Have you ever heard the saying that the ten people with whom you spend most of your time are an illustration of who you are or who you will become? Well, it certainly had become true to me. At the age of 44 I had become an ‘unemployed youth’! While the real unemployed youth are generally handicapped by lack of skills, I was now handicapped by a huge mountain of debt. So, in essence, we were equal. We were all ‘running on empty’.
Now the reason I am telling you all of this is because I want you to know that no matter what your life situation, you can change around your life from running on empty to a life of love, beauty and abundance. In my case, I’m on the road of going from ‘minus a million to a hundred billion’! Whatever your dreams, you can turn them into goals. Whatever your goals, you can turn them into results. Whatever your results, you can turn them into success.
When God allows us to hit rock-bottom, it is only because He already has put in motion a plan of helping us to help ourselves to get out of the situation, while lifting up others in the process. That is our true purpose: love one another, help one another. In doing that we can all shape our world to a place of love, beauty and abundance.
So today, one Day 1 of your 100 Day Action Plan, sit down and write down all the things that you don’t like about your life, including your body, your family, your general situation. And then draw comfort in the fact that you WILL change all of this. One day at a time.
’Our greatest work is working on ourselves’- Anonymous
PS: If you’re eager to ‘jump the gun’ and find out how I am turning around my financial situation, you’re welcome to visit http://www.reinedelarose.com
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